Speaker 1 0:03

I am someone who is constantly in need of recognition. I want to claim, I want everybody to think I'm great. And the program has taught me that that's not what it's about. And if somebody is struggling and wondering my , an AA meeting, see if it speaks to your soul. I often think that if one is struggling with alcohol or with drugs, there's probably a problem there.

Speaker 2 0:31

Welcome to the daily reflection podcast with your hosts, Michael L and Lee M . This is a show where we provide experience strength and hope through interviews with members of the recovery community. The show is not affiliated with any 12 step or recovery program. Although you may hear them mentioned throughout the course of an interview.

Speaker 3 0:52

It's January 31st. How are you doing today? Mike? I'm doing really well. How are you? I am great. And I'm extremely excited about our guests here today. We've got CCB from Ponty V DRA beach and Florida here to share her experience, strength and hope on today's daily reflection. Welcome CC.

Speaker 1 1:12

Thank you. It's great to be here.

Speaker 2 1:13

Fantastic. So we typically ask the guests to get us started by reading the daily reflection for the day CC would you?

Speaker 1 1:21

Absolutely. Our common welfare comes first. Unity of alcoholics anonymous is the most cherished quality our society has. We stay whole or AA dies from the 12 and 12 page one 29. Our traditions, our key elements in the ego deflation process necessary to achieve and maintain sobriety in alcoholics anonymous. The first tradition reminds me not to take credit or authority for my recovery. Placing our common welfare. First reminds me not to become a healer in this program. I am still one of the patients self-effacing elders built the ward without it. I doubt I would be alive without the group. Few alcoholics would recover. The active role in renewed surrender of will enables me to step aside from the need to dominate the desire for recognition, both of which plays so great. A part in my act of alcoholism deferring my personal desires for the greater good of group growth contributes toward a unity that is central to all recovery. It helps me to remember that the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts. Thank you.

Speaker 3 2:37

Kind of got goosebumps listening to it. Um, just the , the concept of this group called alcoholics anonymous being way more important as a whole than any individual is and how, because of that, I had a seat when I needed one. It's pretty powerful. How did land with you CC?

Speaker 4 3:00

What does this reflection mean to you?

Speaker 1 3:03

Well, it's so important for me because I am someone who is constantly in need of recognition. I want to claim, I want everybody to think I'm great. And the program has taught me that that's not what it's about. And it was a real rude awakening. I had stopped drinking for a couple of years before I came into AA and I was a wreck. So when I came into the program, I was welcomed with open arms. I felt that I wasn't welcome because I hadn't drank, I didn't come in wet, but I was welcomed. Everybody thought it was great, but I was there and I felt terrific that fed my ego, which I needed to have fed at the time because I was so accustomed to wanting that. So it was easy to come back for me. I learned then that the ego deflation was going to keep me sober and ultimately keep me happy. I was getting myself as soon as to work for me, say more about that ego deflation part for me, it's constantly wanting recognition was just hurting me. And as it turned out, when I stopped wanting recognition and starting doing things, not to be important, but to be useful, I felt so much more joy in my life. I felt the satisfaction that I was seeking by looking for recognition and acclaim . When I stopped looking for that, I got what I needed and it may not have been recognition and a claim. It was peace and serenity. And I learned that through the program

Speaker 4 4:42

And what's jumping out for me is that, you know, I guess it's a paradox that it helps you. It's actually one of the fundamental elements that helps the program continued to exist.

Speaker 1 4:53

Oh my gosh, you're so right. Because if people weren't doing that for me, I would not have learned, but I wouldn't have stayed. You know , people came around to help me genuinely helped me. They didn't have ulterior motives. And that was something that I learned because for so long, I was thought I was altruism and thinking of others, when really I was feeding myself centered fears and I was feeding my own ego, I would think, let me see, how can I help this person? So it would ultimately help me, so I would get what I wanted. And there was a true thought process that went into that. And I didn't recognize it until I got into AA and recognize that helping people without any strings attached was my happiness. Do you feel complete ego deflation today? Um, I don't know if it's complete. I'd like to say it is, but , uh , it's progress, not perfection. I know today though, when I am trying to feed my own ego and where self-examination comes in for me, I journal almost every night now and by journaling, I can review my day and I can see because I'm aware I was not aware 30 years ago, but I'm aware now. And I can look at my day and say, this is something I don't want to do, or this is a behavior I want. That's how I can know . I can deflate my ego more quickly than I could before. It doesn't mean I don't have to deflate my ego. I do, but I just don't have to. I don't wait so long and I am able to do it, knowing that it will be a better result.

Speaker 3 6:36

You're talking about a daily 10th step. Yes. And absolutely. I think one of the most amazing gifts of this program is the ability, the fact that we connect, we're able to reconnect to ourselves, I might say, or to some of us maybe connection to ourselves for the first time ever.

Speaker 1 6:55

I think about his connection to my soul. You know, it's the connection to the spiritual part of me. I struggle with the whole God thing. I have to be honest, but I do have a spiritual life today. I do a re I do a group of readings every day. And then I find something that resonates with me. And there is always something that resonates with me for that day. And then I'm able to write about it. And I'm able to talk about in my own mind and on the paper, what it is that I can do better and also what it is that I did well. So that's, that's a good way for me to end my day.

Speaker 3 7:36

I heard you mentioned you have maybe an issue with God. Can you talk a little bit more about that?

Speaker 1 7:42

Yeah. Um, I grew up Catholic. I have nothing bad to say about people who are Catholic. That's great. It didn't work for me. Ultimately, I went through a period where I went to church every morning. I was seeking that spiritual connection and I wasn't really getting it. I was more worried about who else was going to be there and what were we going to do after church? And I had a whole bunch of women who had newborn babies as I did. And we all went and we sat in the cry room, which we called purgatory and the kids ran around like maniacs and we just gossiped. And when I'd been in the program for a number of years and I started to think that's really not what I want to do. So since then, I've recognized that I needed an authentic relationship with a higher powers . Not me and my spiritual growth has been tremendous. The trajectory has just gone off the roof because I now have that opportunity. And I take advantage of meditation. I take advantage of the readings. My prayer life is pretty simple. All right, let me read a, that has been so instrumental in my spiritual growth. It's by a poet named Mary Oliver and the poem starts. It doesn't have to be the blue Iris. He could be weeds in a vacant lot or a few small stones, just pay attention, then patch a few words together and don't try to make them elaborate. This isn't a contest, but the doorway into thanks and a silence in which another voice may speak. That gave me so much hope when I struggled and thought I don't have a prayer life. And I realized that the weeds in the vacant lot they're good enough. So my prayer can be real simple, can be, God helped me. And I know I've got a connection and that's what it's all about. The connection.

Speaker 4 9:45

Beautiful. Thank you. Daily reflection talks a lot about , uh , service, the infrastructure of AA putting the group first. Do you want to talk a little bit about your program and maybe the group structure that you're involved in?

Speaker 1 9:57

Absolutely. Um, service is my goal every day. That is when I say I don't pray very much. That's my simple prayer. Every morning, God, please help me be of service because I know that through helping others it's I mentioned it earlier to selfish program. That's what gives, feeds my soul, helping other people. I work and I manage a number of people. And my goal there is to be of service to them, to be a facilitator. And that's how I feel I can do my best work. I sponsor, gosh, I think nine women. And it is just a gift. Every single one of them gives me more than I could probably ever give them. But I know that I'm and this is something else I'll read. I am responsible for carrying the message. I am not responsible for anyone receiving the message. And that's what service means to me is to just be there for others. I've learned that sponsorship helped me. I've had the same sponsor for about 15 years. She's been instrumental in my spiritual growth, my personal growth, you name it. She's been there for me. And that's what I try to do for other people. That's why too, when I'm asked to do something of service, I may not want to do an all the time, but I typically say yes, and I get a lot out of it.

Speaker 4 11:22

How did you meet your sponsor?

Speaker 1 11:24

I knew my sponsor for a number of years before I approached her to be my spot aired, the living daylights out of me. And I thought I didn't have a sponsor for a couple of years and that I don't advise that to anybody. I'm the poster child for what you don't want to do in terms of not having a sponsor. So I finally was in so much pain and despair. I just needed help. And we were at a meeting, was a four step meeting and she shared, and someone was talking to me after the meeting. And I remember just saying, walking away, excuse me, and walking right over to Missy and saying, I need help. And she looked at me and said, we're having lunch tomorrow. And I thought, how the hell can I get out of this? And it turned out, she called the next day. And I thought, Oh God, she's going to cancel. I don't have to do it. And instead she said, I'm really looking forward to lunch with you to this afternoon. We'll meet at such and such a time and hung up the phone. And I knew she really cared about me and that this was time . And that's how we met. And she has been a great sponsor. She asked me, write things down all the time. And that's what led me to journaling.

Speaker 3 12:46

That's wonderful. I, I think, and I often share that the sponsorship spon sponsor sponsee relationship is probably one of the most important relationships we'll ever have. Yes . What do you think people should look for in a sponsor? What would you suggest to the newcomer as they look for a sponsor?

Speaker 1 13:04

Well, especially for a newcomer, it's so important that they find someone they're comfortable with. You feel like you can identify with somebody and you, it's hard to say and articulate it . But for me, I know when someone asks me to sponsor them, I think it's because I've shown them some love. And that's what I would say to someone is find somebody who you feel loves you, especially a newcomer, because that's the trust they need and a newcomer needs because we come in here, we don't know anything about this program. We know we're in pain. And if somebody shows you love, go try it . It doesn't have to be the sponsor you have for the rest of your life, but just try it. Cause we don't know much better at that point.

Speaker 3 13:54

It's so important to feel seen amidst the pain and the shame and the remorse and everything that we feel when we come in. Yes. I love that

Speaker 1 14:11

Somebody that can see that, you know, that you feel loved because I came in here. I didn't feel loved by anybody much less myself. So when someone showed me love, that was like manna from heaven.

Speaker 3 14:24

Tell me about how the program is manifesting in your life today. How, how has, how has being in recovery changed your life outside the program?

Speaker 1 14:33

Well, I mentioned before I manage, I manage about 25 people at work and it's , um, can be very intense and I don't look for recognition today. As I said earlier, I don't want to be important. I want to be useful. And I am constantly building up the people in my office sometimes to the point where I think, wait a minute, they're going to look better than I do. And I have that thought and then I stopped very quickly and say , that's okay. And so that's different for me today. I remember when I was working out of college, I worked in New York city and I wanted everybody to see me. I wanted everyone to, yeah . I want to walk by the boss's office. You know, what's that all about? That's self-centered distance , the extreme. And then today I don't feel like that. I encouraged the people who work for me to go walk by the boss's office. Don't you take care of that? You go talk to them about it. You have a better handle on it than I do. And I'm quick to , um, take responsibility today for things when they go wrong. That was not me in the past. And there are times today where I literally will say to myself, Oh, wait a minute, let me think of a way to get out of that. And that is so fleeting. Now I put no energy into it and I say, I messed up and it's okay for me to do that today. I have no qualms about letting people know that I mess up. That's so different .

Speaker 4 16:09

Yeah. I love that. And I love examples of how the program is working outside the program. Um, so you mentioned a number of things and these are what I might categorize as defects of character. And they're so prevalent. I hear men tell me about them all the time. And I certainly experienced those things. Do you think alcoholics and addicts experienced those to a larger degree than other folks in ,

Speaker 1 16:33

You know, I don't know if we experienced some more than other people. I know we're more aware of them. I know that when I have a character defect today, it's glaring. Nobody else may know that I have it. I know I have it. And that's good enough for me to make a change. Now, other people may have those defects, you know, what they can go on and deal with that themselves in their own way. But no, I think we probably have as many as other people do. We just, we just know it real fast.

Speaker 4 17:03

So the podcast is available on the internet. Anyone can listen to it while it's focused on recovery. And , and we mostly talk about 12 step recovery. I'm aware that there are people that may not be in the program. Listening. What would you say to them that maybe they're struggling with with addiction or whatever in their life? What advice do you have for someone listening that may, maybe not in the program yet?

Speaker 1 17:28

For me, it took me awhile to get into the program. And I found out through my brother who had a , he had a pretty bad drinking and drug problem. And he invited me to his , um , 90 day celebration meeting. And I went there and the fellowship was so palpable and it was so impressive. It was compelling to me. And if somebody is struggling and wondering why an AA meeting, see if it speaks to your soul. I also often think that if one is struggling with alcohol or with drugs, there's probably a problem there. And go take, take a chance. You have nothing to lose.

Speaker 2 18:14

Well, do you have anything else to add before we , uh, before we wrap?

Speaker 1 18:18

No. I think this has been a great opportunity for me to think about one of these daily reflections and how important the program is and recovery is, and you all are for me. So I really appreciate you being here and doing this.

Speaker 2 18:32

Likewise. I really appreciate you helping us out today and helping to carry some experience, strength and hope to the listeners. Thanks CC .

Speaker 1 18:42

You guys have a great day. You too.

Speaker 2 18:45

Thanks everybody for listening. If you want to read more about recovery, learn more about the daily reflection podcast. Join us online at blog that's B L O G dot daily reflection, podcast.com. You can join in the conversation on our Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/daily reflection podcast. You can also find us on Twitter at daily reflector. Thanks everybody. Have a great day.